Amnesie Custom Story - Olaf's Demise!

[Torelli]

Hello i have finished a Custom Story called Olaf's Demise!

Story

Your name is Olaf and your wife says your house is haunted and have left you for that reason.
You(Olaf), don't believe her at all, but you will soon discover something terrible....
Your wifes name is Mila and she left the house because she have been seeing things and she thinks that it's real.


Facts

This is a mod with a lot of jump-scares, so if you don't like jump-scares and looking for adventure, don't play this mod.

For those who like jump-scares, this is a really good mod for scares and i have a pretty good story involved..



Please try this map and tell me what you think!

There is a Part 2 (Olaf's Demise - Until The End), that is under construction!


//Torelli



Olaf's Demise download link below:
http://www.gamefront.com/files/21086978/...Demise.zip

Link to Moddb page:
http://www.moddb.com/members/torelli

[Obliviator27]

Welp. Jump scares normally don't appeal to me at all. However, I'll give this a whirl.
-----------------------------------------------------------------

Spoiler below!

- I'd like to recommend a boxlight.
- FINE. I won't read the note. I see how it is.
- The room is very big...and very empty.
- Using static books in dressers makes opening the drawer impossible.
- Looking at the decals you placed on the floor, I'd like to recommend you change the UV Subdivs to 2x2, so you can place the footprints as one, instead of 4.
- I can see under the stairs, as well as into the banisters.
- Poofer scare...sorry, those don't get me.
- ...Well. That's an interesting loading screen. It's talking to me.
- "My key broke when I* used it. Maybe* there is another key down here."
- Between cellarbase default walls, put welders. The walls aren't seamless, so welders are a must.
- Oh ffs. Well, I know where you got the inspiration to do this.
- "I found the cellar key. Maybe I can open the door down here, now." Also, I haven't encountered a locked door yet. How does the player know there's a door that needs to be opened?
- I'm seeing plenty of clipping issues in this second map.
- I hope you're aware that the brute is facing the wrong way, so it didn't even attack me before I left the room.
- Well. Guess I'm not going in this door now.
- Another poofer scare, back in the first map. Again, didn't get me.
- "Olaf, if you are reading this, I think something is in our house...I mean, look at the dining plates! I'm so scared. I left something in this room that might help."*
- "What was that sound?"*
- Not even a regular crowbar script? Okay, then.
- Holy hell...okay, first time you got me. Closet Grunt attack.
- Poofer scare, again.
- Key remains unnamed.
- I can't help but notice that some of your Gobo's are upside down.
- And suddenly my character's house is a castle.
- Ohai statues.
- Some of your floor isn't where it should be. Also, welders should be used.
- A couple of your torches are misplaced.
- I advise against using a movable bookshelf when you put static objects on it.
- Why in the world does my house have rooms like this?
-Again, torches are off.
- I'm now out of time. I also could not locate the drill that I could apparently find.

I'll not do overall comments.

[Torelli]

(12-22-2011 06:54 PM)Obliviator27 Wrote:  Welp. Jump scares normally don't appeal to me at all. However, I'll give this a whirl.
-----------------------------------------------------------------

Spoiler below!

- I'd like to recommend a boxlight.
- FINE. I won't read the note. I see how it is.
- The room is very big...and very empty.
- Using static books in dressers makes opening the drawer impossible.
- Looking at the decals you placed on the floor, I'd like to recommend you change the UV Subdivs to 2x2, so you can place the footprints as one, instead of 4.
- I can see under the stairs, as well as into the banisters.
- Poofer scare...sorry, those don't get me.
- ...Well. That's an interesting loading screen. It's talking to me.
- "My key broke when I* used it. Maybe* there is another key down here."
- Between cellarbase default walls, put welders. The walls aren't seamless, so welders are a must.
- Oh ffs. Well, I know where you got the inspiration to do this.
- "I found the cellar key. Maybe I can open the door down here, now." Also, I haven't encountered a locked door yet. How does the player know there's a door that needs to be opened?
- I'm seeing plenty of clipping issues in this second map.
- I hope you're aware that the brute is facing the wrong way, so it didn't even attack me before I left the room.
- Well. Guess I'm not going in this door now.
- Another poofer scare, back in the first map. Again, didn't get me.
- "Olaf, if you are reading this, I think something is in our house...I mean, look at the dining plates! I'm so scared. I left something in this room that might help."*
- "What was that sound?"*
- Not even a regular crowbar script? Okay, then.
- Holy hell...okay, first time you got me. Closet Grunt attack.
- Poofer scare, again.
- Key remains unnamed.
- I can't help but notice that some of your Gobo's are upside down.
- And suddenly my character's house is a castle.
- Ohai statues.
- Some of your floor isn't where it should be. Also, welders should be used.
- A couple of your torches are misplaced.
- I advise against using a movable bookshelf when you put static objects on it.
- Why in the world does my house have rooms like this?
-Again, torches are off.
- I'm now out of time. I also could not locate the drill that I could apparently find.

I'll not do overall comments.

Holy shit, this is my first map, it's not a game dude?
I'm just trying to make a enjoyable map??
thanks though.....

[Dark Knight]

Excellent scares, just very good.!
all other things not so important

btw, in prison part -

Spoiler below!

grunt stuck between two big burrels and cant went out from room. i think that was real funny , and useful bug

[Kman]

(12-22-2011 10:42 PM)Torelli Wrote:  

(12-22-2011 06:54 PM)Obliviator27 Wrote:  Welp. Jump scares normally don't appeal to me at all. However, I'll give this a whirl.
-----------------------------------------------------------------

Spoiler below!

- I'd like to recommend a boxlight.
- FINE. I won't read the note. I see how it is.
- The room is very big...and very empty.
- Using static books in dressers makes opening the drawer impossible.
- Looking at the decals you placed on the floor, I'd like to recommend you change the UV Subdivs to 2x2, so you can place the footprints as one, instead of 4.
- I can see under the stairs, as well as into the banisters.
- Poofer scare...sorry, those don't get me.
- ...Well. That's an interesting loading screen. It's talking to me.
- "My key broke when I* used it. Maybe* there is another key down here."
- Between cellarbase default walls, put welders. The walls aren't seamless, so welders are a must.
- Oh ffs. Well, I know where you got the inspiration to do this.
- "I found the cellar key. Maybe I can open the door down here, now." Also, I haven't encountered a locked door yet. How does the player know there's a door that needs to be opened?
- I'm seeing plenty of clipping issues in this second map.
- I hope you're aware that the brute is facing the wrong way, so it didn't even attack me before I left the room.
- Well. Guess I'm not going in this door now.
- Another poofer scare, back in the first map. Again, didn't get me.
- "Olaf, if you are reading this, I think something is in our house...I mean, look at the dining plates! I'm so scared. I left something in this room that might help."*
- "What was that sound?"*
- Not even a regular crowbar script? Okay, then.
- Holy hell...okay, first time you got me. Closet Grunt attack.
- Poofer scare, again.
- Key remains unnamed.
- I can't help but notice that some of your Gobo's are upside down.
- And suddenly my character's house is a castle.
- Ohai statues.
- Some of your floor isn't where it should be. Also, welders should be used.
- A couple of your torches are misplaced.
- I advise against using a movable bookshelf when you put static objects on it.
- Why in the world does my house have rooms like this?
-Again, torches are off.
- I'm now out of time. I also could not locate the drill that I could apparently find.

I'll not do overall comments.

Holy shit, this is my first map, it's not a game dude?
I'm just trying to make a enjoyable map??
thanks though.....

he's just giving you constructive criticism, no need to freak out over it... if anything you should be glad, he's just given you a whole bunch of ways you could improve your map.

[HitlersNosehaiR]

(12-22-2011 10:42 PM)Torelli Wrote:  

(12-22-2011 06:54 PM)Obliviator27 Wrote:  Welp. Jump scares normally don't appeal to me at all. However, I'll give this a whirl.
-----------------------------------------------------------------

Spoiler below!

- I'd like to recommend a boxlight.
- FINE. I won't read the note. I see how it is.
- The room is very big...and very empty.
- Using static books in dressers makes opening the drawer impossible.
- Looking at the decals you placed on the floor, I'd like to recommend you change the UV Subdivs to 2x2, so you can place the footprints as one, instead of 4.
- I can see under the stairs, as well as into the banisters.
- Poofer scare...sorry, those don't get me.
- ...Well. That's an interesting loading screen. It's talking to me.
- "My key broke when I* used it. Maybe* there is another key down here."
- Between cellarbase default walls, put welders. The walls aren't seamless, so welders are a must.
- Oh ffs. Well, I know where you got the inspiration to do this.
- "I found the cellar key. Maybe I can open the door down here, now." Also, I haven't encountered a locked door yet. How does the player know there's a door that needs to be opened?
- I'm seeing plenty of clipping issues in this second map.
- I hope you're aware that the brute is facing the wrong way, so it didn't even attack me before I left the room.
- Well. Guess I'm not going in this door now.
- Another poofer scare, back in the first map. Again, didn't get me.
- "Olaf, if you are reading this, I think something is in our house...I mean, look at the dining plates! I'm so scared. I left something in this room that might help."*
- "What was that sound?"*
- Not even a regular crowbar script? Okay, then.
- Holy hell...okay, first time you got me. Closet Grunt attack.
- Poofer scare, again.
- Key remains unnamed.
- I can't help but notice that some of your Gobo's are upside down.
- And suddenly my character's house is a castle.
- Ohai statues.
- Some of your floor isn't where it should be. Also, welders should be used.
- A couple of your torches are misplaced.
- I advise against using a movable bookshelf when you put static objects on it.
- Why in the world does my house have rooms like this?
-Again, torches are off.
- I'm now out of time. I also could not locate the drill that I could apparently find.

I'll not do overall comments.

Holy shit, this is my first map, it's not a game dude?
I'm just trying to make a enjoyable map??
thanks though.....

>it's not a game dude?

I'm pretty sure Amnesia is a game...

>I'm just trying to make a enjoyable map??

Dude. Amnesia custom stories always usually have to follow a story. If you just base it around jump scares you're not going to get any better at being both a story-artist and a map designer.

Just saiyan.

[Torelli]

(12-23-2011 05:37 AM)HitlersNosehaiR Wrote:  

(12-22-2011 10:42 PM)Torelli Wrote:  

(12-22-2011 06:54 PM)Obliviator27 Wrote:  Welp. Jump scares normally don't appeal to me at all. However, I'll give this a whirl.
-----------------------------------------------------------------

Spoiler below!

- I'd like to recommend a boxlight.
- FINE. I won't read the note. I see how it is.
- The room is very big...and very empty.
- Using static books in dressers makes opening the drawer impossible.
- Looking at the decals you placed on the floor, I'd like to recommend you change the UV Subdivs to 2x2, so you can place the footprints as one, instead of 4.
- I can see under the stairs, as well as into the banisters.
- Poofer scare...sorry, those don't get me.
- ...Well. That's an interesting loading screen. It's talking to me.
- "My key broke when I* used it. Maybe* there is another key down here."
- Between cellarbase default walls, put welders. The walls aren't seamless, so welders are a must.
- Oh ffs. Well, I know where you got the inspiration to do this.
- "I found the cellar key. Maybe I can open the door down here, now." Also, I haven't encountered a locked door yet. How does the player know there's a door that needs to be opened?
- I'm seeing plenty of clipping issues in this second map.
- I hope you're aware that the brute is facing the wrong way, so it didn't even attack me before I left the room.
- Well. Guess I'm not going in this door now.
- Another poofer scare, back in the first map. Again, didn't get me.
- "Olaf, if you are reading this, I think something is in our house...I mean, look at the dining plates! I'm so scared. I left something in this room that might help."*
- "What was that sound?"*
- Not even a regular crowbar script? Okay, then.
- Holy hell...okay, first time you got me. Closet Grunt attack.
- Poofer scare, again.
- Key remains unnamed.
- I can't help but notice that some of your Gobo's are upside down.
- And suddenly my character's house is a castle.
- Ohai statues.
- Some of your floor isn't where it should be. Also, welders should be used.
- A couple of your torches are misplaced.
- I advise against using a movable bookshelf when you put static objects on it.
- Why in the world does my house have rooms like this?
-Again, torches are off.
- I'm now out of time. I also could not locate the drill that I could apparently find.

I'll not do overall comments.

Holy shit, this is my first map, it's not a game dude?
I'm just trying to make a enjoyable map??
thanks though.....

>it's not a game dude?

I'm pretty sure Amnesia is a game...

>I'm just trying to make a enjoyable map??

Dude. Amnesia custom stories always usually have to follow a story. If you just base it around jump scares you're not going to get any better at being both a story-artist and a map designer.

Just saiyan.

Okey well.. Everyone besides him likes it so i don't really care, and no one have said that my level design and scares are bad so i'll just hang on to that. So i think this might just be the first bad thing somone have wrote about it...

*A mod is not a game.

*I have a good story involved in my map. Pretty much everyone that have played my map got really scared soo..

[flamez3]

(12-23-2011 04:49 PM)Torelli Wrote:  

(12-23-2011 05:37 AM)HitlersNosehaiR Wrote:  

(12-22-2011 10:42 PM)Torelli Wrote:  

(12-22-2011 06:54 PM)Obliviator27 Wrote:  Welp. Jump scares normally don't appeal to me at all. However, I'll give this a whirl.
-----------------------------------------------------------------

Spoiler below!

- I'd like to recommend a boxlight.
- FINE. I won't read the note. I see how it is.
- The room is very big...and very empty.
- Using static books in dressers makes opening the drawer impossible.
- Looking at the decals you placed on the floor, I'd like to recommend you change the UV Subdivs to 2x2, so you can place the footprints as one, instead of 4.
- I can see under the stairs, as well as into the banisters.
- Poofer scare...sorry, those don't get me.
- ...Well. That's an interesting loading screen. It's talking to me.
- "My key broke when I* used it. Maybe* there is another key down here."
- Between cellarbase default walls, put welders. The walls aren't seamless, so welders are a must.
- Oh ffs. Well, I know where you got the inspiration to do this.
- "I found the cellar key. Maybe I can open the door down here, now." Also, I haven't encountered a locked door yet. How does the player know there's a door that needs to be opened?
- I'm seeing plenty of clipping issues in this second map.
- I hope you're aware that the brute is facing the wrong way, so it didn't even attack me before I left the room.
- Well. Guess I'm not going in this door now.
- Another poofer scare, back in the first map. Again, didn't get me.
- "Olaf, if you are reading this, I think something is in our house...I mean, look at the dining plates! I'm so scared. I left something in this room that might help."*
- "What was that sound?"*
- Not even a regular crowbar script? Okay, then.
- Holy hell...okay, first time you got me. Closet Grunt attack.
- Poofer scare, again.
- Key remains unnamed.
- I can't help but notice that some of your Gobo's are upside down.
- And suddenly my character's house is a castle.
- Ohai statues.
- Some of your floor isn't where it should be. Also, welders should be used.
- A couple of your torches are misplaced.
- I advise against using a movable bookshelf when you put static objects on it.
- Why in the world does my house have rooms like this?
-Again, torches are off.
- I'm now out of time. I also could not locate the drill that I could apparently find.

I'll not do overall comments.

Holy shit, this is my first map, it's not a game dude?
I'm just trying to make a enjoyable map??
thanks though.....

>it's not a game dude?

I'm pretty sure Amnesia is a game...

>I'm just trying to make a enjoyable map??

Dude. Amnesia custom stories always usually have to follow a story. If you just base it around jump scares you're not going to get any better at being both a story-artist and a map designer.

Just saiyan.

Okey well.. Everyone besides him likes it so i don't really care, and no one have said that my level design and scares are bad so i'll just hang on to that. So i think this might just be the first bad thing somone have wrote about it...

*A mod is not a game.

*I have a good story involved in my map. Pretty much everyone that have played my map got really scared soo..

Not meaning to be a d*ick or anything; he gave you his opinion. I don't understand why your getting annoyed and being defensive saying everyone else likes your map and that you don't care that he went to the trouble of helping you improve your map? Anyway, the story does look good, haven't played it yet so I can't really give my opinion on it.

[I will disagree]

Do you want to improve and make more stories?
Do you think your custom story is good and nothing can be improved?
Do you actually want to succeed at making an enjoyable map?

These fellows here have tried to give you directions on how to improve, not say you are bad. If this is your first map it is obvious its not on a par with the ones that have been worked on by experienced people for longer periods of time.
Here are some of my "tips" for your future maps because I assume you will want to continue this wonderful hobby of mapping.

Take your time tweaking everything. Your map looks like it has been made in a hurry, nothing seems to have been tested and detailed. Take look at a frictional games maps, and try to mimic them. If you throughoutly tweak your map to frictional detail, it will give the player more immersion. Amnesia is about atmosphere, create it through detailed visuals and sounds and your cheap jump scares will have impact million times bigger than hurried pewdiepie maps made in hope of glory and fame for little effort.

Mapping will eventually feel like work when you do the same things a thousandth time. If you can handle little bit of work to create something great, mapping is for you.

When your proficiency with the editor and custom story creating increases so does your standards. You start paying attention to more and more little things that make up a good map or a game. Find those and try to incorporate them into your stories.

Learn to put yourself in the boots of a new player trying out your map when testing. Your map makes absolutely no sense when you try it. Areas have no logic behind them and there is no story, even though you mention right in the start of the thread:
"i have a pretty good story involved..."

Quote:Everyone besides him likes it so i don't really care, and no one have said that my level design and scares are bad so i'll just hang on to that.

I can say your level design is complete crap and the scares are bad (aka cheap scares). Listen to only praise and you will get nowhere in life!

There you have, I told you what I think.

[Hardarm]

I didn't try the story out yet but why being so evil on him... constructive criticism can be made with more different ways, if you make it the creator can learn and trust you, you have at least to say him that he's got a chance to be a great artist, just keeping on training. You can't say, "this map is bad because it's poorly made and that's what I think", it will have a negative impact to the author... that's what I think, and I think my poor english is quite understandable to everyone....

Peace out.

EDIT: someone can say like this:

"To me the story is really poorly made with crap design, but if you keep training and testing always more you will have a chance to get a really nicely done custom story, let me give you the list of the things I didn't like so you can add them to your next project:
1) blabla
2) blabla
...
I think you could improve the blablabla, but I really liked that blablabla, but I hated that blablabla, so change it at your next project! "

You can't be so negative, you have to be negative... but positive for the future, giving the author more wishes on chances;
if you do like this he will ragequit and will not make anymore custom stories for us! And we've already lost some.

I'm just typing what i'm thinking though...

EDIT 2: Torilli, don't write false things or maybe partially false things, this will make ragequit the players after they've been disappointed and jot down some angry stuff!

And, at your second part, on the credits, i'd suggest to put the song "Until the end" from Avenged Sevenfold.

Just saying