The Ancient Monster I - Girlfriend

[Linkovsky]

Hey guys, I just started in this cusom story thing and i made a custom story , kinda weird but i think it is good.
I know that it needs more professionalism but i'm going to continue with this custom story so here it is.

http://www.mediafire.com/?inz45xdbdaei0z8

Hope you guys like it,

Give me feedback and say which thing need to be improved.

Thanks , Linkovsky

Oho, a request for feedback and what needs to be improved. Sounds like my cup o' tea.
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Spoiler below!

- Upon reading the original post, I saw "First custom" This generally means I'll have many point to point out.
- I take one look at your files and see a 200 kb map. Just one. This indicates to me that this is going to be almost painfully short. However, there are no map_cache files. This is a good sign.
- The description has quite a few grammatical errors, and the story premise seems weak.
- ....Really? One) You dropped me into the map. Meaning your PlayerStartPos was too high. Two) A grunt right off the bat, with no introductory sequence.
- Evidently, english is not your primary language.
- No ambient music. There's no sense of atmosphere.
- That fricken statue....
- Can't complain about lack of supplies, but it seems as though I won't be needing much of these.
- I predict a number of key-door puzzles ahead. Just sayin'.
- You should name all of your keys.
- Your rooms so far are very bland. Add more details to them.
- I now have one key and four locked doors. Having to test them all. Yay.
- Turns out I had to open the desk. Hm. Only to find yet another key.
- ....Barrels = monster attack? I sense yet another Pewdie thing.
- This room here, with the key in the middle. It's INCREDIBLY obvious what you're about to do.
- Told ya. Statues with that Iron Maiden sound. You should really be a bit more original.
- There is no reason at all for me to have these corpses in my house.
- Did you REALLY just throw a body at me? Please, please, be more original.
- Somehow Sara turned into a man. Interesting.
- Have the key. Another "Poof man out of nowhere with loud noise" scare. Which, by the way, is not scary.
- I predict that the ending will involve me running headfirst into an enemy, or running away from one when I return into the hallway.
- Not even a climax? Disappointing.

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If you're going to make a chapter II, I urge you to make it significantly better than this. I understand that it's your first shot at the custom story thing, but it really could be better. This is just your run of the mill Key-door, jumpscare map.

Yes this is my first map. I did it for my friends to pass some time. But i really want to continue with this project. I'll try to do my best to improve, and see you till next one ^^.

Thanks for the feedback.