Custom story: [FR] Les chroniques d'Alex / [EN] Alex's chronicles - Part1

[Drakostyle]

After reading the chaser's post I dont really feel like trying your CS srry.
If
there are as many problems as he says, and you are planning to turn
this into a series, then It would proberly be a good idea to either fix
or remake this CS first. If you want people to play the rest of your
series you first chapter is proberly the most important one so even if
you have made a 10/10 CS for 5th chapter it wont matter if people have
to go through 4 bad Custom stories to reach it.

Yes that's what a wanted to do, a remake cause i made this custom fast, that was just a test ^^

Oh my... looks like I'll have to rely on my rusty memories of past french lessons, eh? Don't expect me to write in french please, I already have a hard time reading it
............................

Okay well that wasn't as hard as expected. I think I even understood the notes! Whoohoo! Let's get to the feedback!

Chaser already said most of the things I noticed, but I'd still like to add something to the scares and how they didn't make sense.
What I grasped from the notes was, that there is apparently a cave system under the castle and one day, something terrible came up from there. (correct me if I'm wrong, I had to guess some of the words from context) It rampaged around in your sister's room and now she's disappeared while the monster roames around the castle. So far so good.

But how does this relate to corpses suddenly appearing on the walls or a monster torso appearing in front of my face? (Or a dissected corpse on a table for that matter?) Such things would maybe be associated with an insanity effect of sorts, but there's no mention of the monster having such an effect.
Wouldn't it make more sense to give the player the impression that something is stalking him? Have sounds, footsteps, traces of the monster... something that relates to the whole concept of "something escaped from its prison and is moving around the castle and it could be right behind you!". I'm not even talking about spawning the monster more often. Just the atmosphere.

On a more technical note, the monster that appears when you open the door to the room with the corpse on the table never goes away. I hid in the cupboard and it just stood in the middle of the room forever. I had to get myself killed in order to proceed.
Same problem in the cellar basically - there was nowhere to run or hide so I just got killed.

Now some small things concerning the leveldesign:

- The outer walls of the castle look like corridor walls. I think it would look better if they were stone or something. You usually don't have fancy mahogany panels on the outside of your mansion

- Empty rooms. There's just too much empty space! Especially the piano room, but you can notice it almost everywhere. Don't be afraid to place some more detail around and make the rooms smaller. It seems to be a common mistake among CSs to make the rooms too big and empty... Just look at some of the original amnesia maps and their level of detail for inspiration!

- Plausible environment. Now this is a bit of a pet peeve of mine, but I prefer real locations (like a castle, mansion, dungeon, etc) to look somewhat logical. That is, the blueprint of the rooms should make sense in a way and the rooms should have an easily discernable purpose. So no long corridors that give the impression that the mansion would have to be shaped like a multidimensional banana for it to work

Sorry if this sounds a bit harsh, I don't mean to be an asshole. I'm not saying you do bad work - you've clearly proven that you have the technical skill to make something cool. Now you just need to work on the actual game design part and aesthetics a bit more! But don't worry, you'll get there - it's your first story after all.

my custom sotry isn't looking for sense, its game so everythings can happen... i just wanted to do a good scenario with some screamers but screamer doesn't have sense anyway

"I hid in the cupboard and it just stood in the middle of the room forever. I had to get myself killed in order to proceed"

wtf? maybe there is a coding for monster disapear sorry im not really good to coding, but you can just run that was easy to run up to stairwell.

"Same problem in the cellar basically - there was nowhere to run or hide so I just got killed. "

you get killed by hallucination?..


yes i agree for empty room i don't know what to put in empty place :<


AND WHY YOU GUYS ARE LOOKING FOR SERIOUS CUSTOM? I TRY TO MAKE FUNNY AND INNATURAL CUSTOMS WITH SOME WTF! SO DON'T TELL ME SOMETHINGS LIKE "But how does this relate to corpses suddenly appearing on the walls or a monster torso appearing in front of my face?" OR "-It had flying naked guys." AND "-The disaster in Sarah's room. The bed is supposed to be very hard to move, and it's in an innatural position."

By this way i made a english version Hirnwirbel.