My Novel Translation Test

[Red]

Oh really? Well, it isn't clear how old he is. His behaviour and the man calling him 'kid' makes it seem like he is young. You should try to make him a bit mature or make it obvious he is childish. It will clear up some confusion.
Again, I'm not an expert, I'm just a vivid reader giving some tips. The first page isn't terrible. Or at least not as bad as you think. I'ts (I think) your first novel so it doesn't have to be top notch. Just keep writing and practicing and you'll get better.

Yes, i did a little mistake there i didn't expect anyone to go critical about,
But those kind of things changes their meaning alittle when you rawly jusy translate them from another language to other.
Maybe i'll refine these irregularities later.

I admin, i am a noob and noob needs more training to become more professional,
this is my first time doing this kind of stuff, but i am glad you understood some of those random letters i put in row.