Pasta

[failedALIAS]

If you are going to critique something at least make sure what you're saying makes a shred of sense. I honestly have no clue what you're trying to say.

What I'm saying is that you're saying you used the space of about three paragraphs for a hallucination! A hallucination that anyone reading might pass off as an actual event within the story, thus confusing and throwing off the reader, as well as breaking any pacing of atmosphere. A story is just like a CS; it has to have proper build up in order to have any affect, even if the story in question is a parody. A parody must then follow the nature of humor and introduce substance in an acceptable format.
OKAY!?