"The Attic" (Chapter 1) Custom Story

[owlsigh]

Hello!

I didn't actually play your custom story first-hand, but I did watch Cry do a playthrough it at the following link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbNRO_YeN5E

I'm sure you've already had plenty of people with the same backstory as mine, but perhaps my viewpoint could help you to improve? I hope so, anyway. Well, here we go.




Off the bat, I'm noticing that you have a very lengthly description. The story is really interesting and well written. However, perhaps you could integrate the backstory into the actual game in your next project via memories and backflashes? Now that would really be something.

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The first room is really well decorated! The rug is a bit blurry, but I'm sure that's because it's been stretched and there's not much you can do about that.

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All the rooms are beautifully decorated!

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It seems odd to use human blood in a medicine. If you were to inject laudanum into a person, you'd be injecting it to their bloodstream, and therefore mixing it with blood by default. The note with instructions on how to make laudanum also doesn't describe what kind of blood to use. Just a minor problem, not a big deal.

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Laudanum Log 3 - Why was the dad sacrificing people to use heir blood? Blood transfusion existed before the 1800's.

"The first fully documented human blood transfusion was administered by Dr. Jean-Baptiste Denys, eminent physician to King Louis XIV of France, on June 15, 1667."-Wikipedia

Perhaps he could've done this instead of killing people? Or maybe used animal blood, since the recipe didn't call for human blood. Maybe you could build up the suspense by having the player discover dog corpses as early test subjects..

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Oh, wow! The sequence when you leave the attic is really awesome and spooky! Great job!

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The red writing on the painting is a bit hard to read! Perhaps a different font would be a good idea?

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The fireplace being blue after the monster hits the door is a bit odd, and the red writing on the painting glows a little. But the monster really took me by surprise.

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I'm not entirely sure why there were dead cannibals in the dining room. Were they test subjects being forced to eat people parts? Was the dad insane and liked to play with dead bodies like dolls? Was it a hallucination? Hmm..

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Again, the red writing is difficult to read on the desk. And one can't commit suicide. Perhaps a message explaining Derrek's resolve should pop up here to explain why you can't commit suicide.

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The cage on the first floor in a small room is a bit odd. A note explaining who the person was and why they were there would certainly add to the experience. Or maybe not have this room at all? Sometimes less is more when it comes to scares.

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YES! I love the weeping angel scare technique!

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There certainly are a lot of dead folks in this mansion! It's a wonder people didn't grow suspicious of the disappearances.

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HAHAHA! The person on the floor that follows you is hilarious!!! But I'm sure if I were playing, myself, I'd be surprised and spooked!

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Red writing is hard to read in the basement…

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A few lit candles or torches in the basement would prove useful for someone low on oil!

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Spooky ending!

Thanks very much for creating this custom story. It was really good! I hope my input here can help you improve your technique. Feel free to message me if you feel the need.