Amnesia: Finding Them

[Game]

Hello, this is my first custom story I have made for amnesia. I used this
custom story as a chance to get familiarized with the level editor and
scripting. This custom story shouldn't take long at all, maybe somewhere in the maybe 8 minutes. (To me I thought I had a good storyline in my head but when I made it it didn't come out exactly as planned). Anyways I hope you
enjoy.

Link: http://www.mediafire.com/?ma2r0af69az4636
or
Other Link: http://www.gamefront.com/files/21512283/...g_Them_rar

If you run into any bugs, glitches, or other problems comment or message me and I will try to fix them.

Description
You wake up in a strange and mysterious mansion, all you remember is the horrendous events that occurred the night before. You witnessed your family getting kidnapped and taken away. Your goal is to find your family and escape this mansion.

[Cranky Old Man]

If you want some nitpicking, then the second screenshot shows the ceiling clearly tesselating. (Repeating its texture.) You can increase the scale of the texture of the plane, to fix this, and maybe other places it pops up in.

Your story will actually be the first custom story I play, and I love to nitpick stories, so expect me find at least three things that you could improve when I'm finished.


Old Mans Diary (1/2) - First Room
Okay, I'm in the first room other than the starting position, and I already found three things.
1. You can see through the door frame and door into this place through large gaps. Maybe you didn't use a frame from the same set, or maybe you edited with a snap grid.
2. This is a "novelty map", isn't it? You nailed a guy up in the closet, and before I even opened it, it says: "LOL." I'm expecting flying, screaming Jesuses now, despite the notes giving me a sense of you being serious about the story.
3. The banners are hovering from the wall in this room. Please make sure that the placement of things are precise, and that nothing hovers like this.
4. The figures in the hall appears to be naked men watching a TV like painting. It looks like they're having a wank-off party to Alexander porn. You know that the TV hasn't been invented in the 19th century, right?

Old Mans Diary (2/2) - The Dungeon
I've made it to the dungeon now, and I consider abandoning this story. It's not a serious horror story, and it's poorly designed. Static objects are cutting into eachother. Some rooms are 100% bright due to sudden box light. Even the paintings are halfway sunken into the walls. I saw a large oil potion either shrunk down as a pun, or sunked halfway through a drawer. As a cranky old man, I'm disgusted, and the question on my mind during the first level, is "How old is this kid, and why is he playing Mature rated games?". If you haven't placed a checkpoint at the beginning of the dungeon level, forcing me to start over again, then consider this my final entry - score 1/5. Edit: Yup, no checkpoints what-so-ever. Don't release a map in this sorry state again.

[Ahiam94]

Small, simple, and not very scary. Nice try, though.

[Nickshrike]

Wasn't bad for a first story, I can tell you put some time into attempting to decorate the place which is better than some people, but some objects were incorrectly aligned, maybe more some more time into the specifics next time?

Here are some problems/suggestions (im a bit critical so don't think your custom story was really terrible)

Spoiler below!

First door had weird lighting on it and was very dark.
One of the barrels has a candle on it so it couldn't be moved >_>
Stretched picture of Alexander is a tad weird.
Some of the lights have lighting when there is no way those rooms could be anything but pitch black.
The room that said "probably nothing in the closet" has some incorrectly aligned walls.
Teleporting naked guy in that closet. <_<
Could of set some patrol nodes for the monster.
Oh, the monster was a poofer, not good. D:
When I come out of the door in the dungeon I see a interact symbol, but nothing is there to interact with.
More teleporting naked guys.
Floating barrels and boxes in a room in the dungeon.
When I come out the dungeon I am facing the leveldoor I came out of.
Too many locked doors I couldn't go in.
Would of been nice to have some more monsters with proper paths.
I didn't run out of oil or come close to it once.
Wasn't feeling at edge really.

If you take all advice and criticism on board and make another story, im sure you can make a really good one

[jessehmusic]

(04-06-2012 08:43 PM)Game Wrote:  Hello, this is my first custom story I have made for amnesia. I used this
custom story as a chance to get familiarized with the level editor and
scripting. This custom story shouldn't take long at all, maybe somewhere in the maybe 8 minutes. (To me I thought I had a good storyline in my head but when I made it it didn't come out exactly as planned). Anyways I hope you
enjoy.

Link: http://www.mediafire.com/?ma2r0af69az4636
or
Other Link: http://www.gamefront.com/files/21512283/...g_Them_rar

If you run into any bugs, glitches, or other problems comment or message me and I will try to fix them.

Description
You wake up in a strange and mysterious mansion, all you remember is the horrendous events that occurred the night before. You witnessed your family getting kidnapped and taken away. Your goal is to find your family and escape this mansion.

i can't get further im at the room you got the "My husband" note :/ where is the key etc

[Game]

(04-07-2012 03:12 PM)jessehmusic Wrote:  

(04-06-2012 08:43 PM)Game Wrote:  Hello, this is my first custom story I have made for amnesia. I used this
custom story as a chance to get familiarized with the level editor and
scripting. This custom story shouldn't take long at all, maybe somewhere in the maybe 8 minutes. (To me I thought I had a good storyline in my head but when I made it it didn't come out exactly as planned). Anyways I hope you
enjoy.

Link: http://www.mediafire.com/?ma2r0af69az4636
or
Other Link: http://www.gamefront.com/files/21512283/...g_Them_rar

If you run into any bugs, glitches, or other problems comment or message me and I will try to fix them.

Description
You wake up in a strange and mysterious mansion, all you remember is the horrendous events that occurred the night before. You witnessed your family getting kidnapped and taken away. Your goal is to find your family and escape this mansion.

i can't get further im at the room you got the "My husband" note :/ where is the key etc

Look in the room at the end of that hall (the room across from the "my husband room" where there is a kitchen or dining area.

[Kaizy]

Played it

Spoiler below!

Your map lacks severely. Your layout was odd to say the least. You start out in what looks like part of a mansion, then you go upstairs to a dungeon? Dungeons are always downstairs, usually a basement. But then, you go up more stairs and then you're back in a mansion, and that is above ground? I really just don't get the layout of this map and it was confusing me, you should seriously think of how you layout your story.

There's also your "scares" which, I'll be honest, they're bad. Nothing but 2 Teleporting Naked Guys and a Poofer...and you didn't even use the screaming sound for the TNG's so when they just randomly appeared, I wasn't even fazed. There is just no excuse for using nothing but the two worst kinds of scares in a map, and have that be your only scares. You want to build atmosphere and get the player interested in what they're playing, make them feel like they're part of the story and put in very subtle scares; avoid giving the monster face time and don't just hurl things at us, it's a bad scare tactic because it really doesn't work unless done right. Also, if you're going to do jumpscares, it really helps if you don't tell me when it's about to happen. I should not enter a room and see text at the bottom that points out the closet in the corner. No excuse.

The placement of your textures/objects needs some serious work. Paintings were either floating in front of the walls or fazing through the walls, walls and floors were flickering because of bad placement, and I distinctly remember seeing a door with a big gap in the top of it, the one that led to the dungeon, and I could see blue sky, which makes no sense.

Also, don't use PewDiePie jokes. I can guarantee that almost every single person who plays the map will not be PewDiePie, so putting jokes in for him doesn't make this fun for everyone else. It's fine to put in a Stephano or pig or something, but to have text appear at the bottom clearly calling to a PDP joke does nothing for your story. Never call out to someone else's material if you're trying to make a serious map.

And work on the actual story. The story was incredibly bland, and amounted to nothing more than: wife and kid missing, walk into dungeon, oh they're dead, The End.

You really need to get the basics of mapmaking down first before making more serious attempts at it.
Nice try but no cigar

[Shives]

Not bad for your first
But jumpscares are cheap.
Use better scares please for your next one.
And don't use so many Boxlights
A good thing is that it has a story and the leveldesign was nice too.
So good work but not so much jumpscares for the next time