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Creepypasta
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Zaffre Away
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Post: #1
Creepypasta

Today my friend Derrick invited me over to his apartment. He had recently played through Amnesia: The Dark Descent and decided to play Penumbra: Overture, but he was very scared and wanted someone over in case it got too bad. I figured "Why not?" and took a bicycle to his apartment complex.

By the time I got there, it was nine 'o clock. The forest by his apartment was eerie, because where I live, nine 'o clock was pitch black. Derrick smiled as he answered the door, ushering me to his room where he had the game booted up. He didn't own a headset, substituting speakers instead. He pressed "Start New Game", and I was immediately confused. Instead of giving him the difficulty option or even loading, it spawned him straight into the abandoned mine without even telling him the story. I told him to check his inventory, and he only had his flashlight. That was it. No health bar, no hotbar, no notebook. There wasn't a battery meter, either, so we had no way of knowing how much his flashlight held.

I started to say something, but held myself back. Still, I couldn't help feeling suspicious. I told him to keep going, and I noticed things getting stranger. The locked door in the mine was unlocked, and when he got near the trapdoor it was already open. The whole while he had out his flashlight, which didn't appear to be losing any battery.

When he went into the trapdoor, he froze. Derrick's character couldn't move. But then I saw a dark shape deep in the foggy tunnel. I heard a faint noise, and recognized it as the Gray Rock Worm's roar. Derrick freaked out and paused. I told him to snap out of it and continue with the game.. When he did the blob in the distance vanished, and he went down the shaft with a blank loading screen.

This was all too strange. First, it launches him straight into the game, and now this? Something was suspicious about this. I asked him where he got the game, and Derrick responded that he had purchased it from an Internet marketing site for $3.50, which was great deal. Still, I didn't know what to think as he progressed through the game.

He spawned in the abandoned mine shaft/WWII military base as normal, and nothing was wrong. The story intrigued him, and he was interested to know more. When he left the Office, he was terrified by the dogs (he had bad canine experiences as a kid) but determined to move on. However, once he unlocked the Workshop door and went in things started going wrong.

Instead of the dog breaking the door to the Workshop area down, the rock shook for a solid ten seconds. The message about it sounding like the rock was screaming, which you would normally hear at the power room in the next area, showed up, and there was something about it that formed a knot of anxiety in my stomach. As he explored, I eventually drifted off, bored. Derrick suddenly told me to look at something, and I did.

The cave-in was already demolished, a tunnel leading forward. There was a note, covered in ashes, lying on the ground. He picked it up, and it showed several simple words: "You should run. It's getting closer." The note closed out, and suddenly the music stopped. There was complete silence. Nothing but his footsteps. I told him that he needed to go through the tunnel, and he did.

Everything was normal again for about an hour. He managed to get the power on, encountered more of the dogs, and picked up the radio. However, when it turned on and Red's voice should've came over the radio, there was only static. There was something about it that made me shiver. Derrick told me that he felt the same. The music stopped again, and there was complete silence save for the disturbing static while he entered the code into the keypad.

When the fence opened up, another blob formed in the darkness. It made no sound, no movement. Then the blob vanished. I heard beeping in the static that the radio had kept up constantly. It sounded like Morse code, so I found an application on my smartphone that translated Morse code to text. When I entered the complex pattern, the text it translated to was "You should run. It's getting closer." After that, the radio's static stopped and the game resumed again.

Once he went into the new area, Red didn't speak over the radio like he should've. However, the static did resume, albeit almost inaudibly. He saw the long main hallway and started walking down it. Crash. That was the first thing me and Derrick heard when the light shattered. And the lights continued to shatter. One by one. Crash. Crash. Crash. Crash.

When it was silent, Derrick's flashlight went out, and the static began to increase in volume. Me and him were both scared, but continued. Then I saw a brighter patch of darkness, and it was a blob. The static got louder. The blob, for the first time, moved. Quickly. And it got faster and faster until the faint shape became a large one. Derrick didn't seem to notice. I told him to turn around and run.

He complied, but he was confused. He turned and ran, and at that instant the static on the radio became almost deafening, and then cut to silence. I told Derrick to stop and turn around. And he did.

There was nothing. No blob, no shape, nothing was there. And then there was breathing behind him. He jumped, and so did I, and he swiveled his camera around to reveal the massive blob of darkness, with two very faint dots in the middle of it, which pierced the screen like it was staring at us.

We both freaked out, and the thing roared. I heard the Gray Rock Worm's roar. The screen zoomed in very quickly on what I assumed were its eyes and then blacked out. All you could hear was a heartbeat which was silenced, and the game crashed, revealing Derrick's desktop.

I broke into a fit, telling him that this wasn't the game. It wasn't natural, it wasn't how it was supposed to be played. In my rant, I noticed his web browser had opened and had gone to the page for Cleverbot, the AI type thing. I told him to stop. Then Cleverbot talked, in her text-to-speech sounding voice.

"You should run. It's getting closer."

And then the computer shut down, the screen fading to black.

Far off in the distance, I heard a tree crack and fall.
And I heard a noise. Playing through Derrick's speakers was static.
And it started getting louder.

As of September 2nd, 2014, I've left the Frictional forums. Check my profile for more details.
(This post was last modified: 09-02-2012 07:08 PM by Zaffre.)
08-30-2012 09:45 PM
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Kreekakon Offline
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Post: #2
RE: Creepypasta

Ummm...I think the main problem with this is that the horror aspect/writing style is not subtle enough to be disturbing.
08-30-2012 10:04 PM
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Zaffre Away
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Post: #3
RE: Creepypasta

(08-30-2012 10:04 PM)Kreekakon Wrote:  Ummm...I think the main problem with this is that the horror aspect/writing style is not subtle enough to be disturbing.
I've proofread it through and edited it enough that it's hopefully more creepy and disturbing.

As of September 2nd, 2014, I've left the Frictional forums. Check my profile for more details.
08-30-2012 10:29 PM
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Robby Offline
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Post: #4
RE: Creepypasta

This kind of thing gives me the shivers.

Well-written in my opinion.

And I think (at the end) I can foreshadow what may happen.

Infrequently active. Don't expect an immediate response. Best to contact me at a different locale. If I create a thread, expect me to be quite active.
(This post was last modified: 09-01-2012 07:30 AM by Robby.)
09-01-2012 07:29 AM
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Zaffre Away
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Post: #5
RE: Creepypasta

(09-01-2012 07:29 AM)Nemet Robert Wrote:  This kind of thing gives me the shivers.

Well-written in my opinion.

And I think (at the end) I can foreshadow what may happen.
Yep. Maybe I shouldn't have gone with the whole "giant mouth with teeth" thing, but the Gray Rock Worm doesn't exactly have a face besides that.

As of September 2nd, 2014, I've left the Frictional forums. Check my profile for more details.
09-02-2012 12:02 AM
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Robby Offline
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Post: #6
RE: Creepypasta

(09-02-2012 12:02 AM)Zaffre Wrote:  
(09-01-2012 07:29 AM)Nemet Robert Wrote:  This kind of thing gives me the shivers.

Well-written in my opinion.

And I think (at the end) I can foreshadow what may happen.
Yep. Maybe I shouldn't have gone with the whole "giant mouth with teeth" thing, but the Gray Rock Worm doesn't exactly have a face besides that.
"Hyper-realistic teeth". That part just killed the mood for me. I read a lot of creepypasta that used that kind of definition, and it really isn't good.

Infrequently active. Don't expect an immediate response. Best to contact me at a different locale. If I create a thread, expect me to be quite active.
09-02-2012 08:56 AM
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failedALIAS Offline
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Post: #7
RE: Creepypasta

(09-02-2012 08:56 AM)Nemet Robert Wrote:  
(09-02-2012 12:02 AM)Zaffre Wrote:  
(09-01-2012 07:29 AM)Nemet Robert Wrote:  This kind of thing gives me the shivers.

Well-written in my opinion.

And I think (at the end) I can foreshadow what may happen.
Yep. Maybe I shouldn't have gone with the whole "giant mouth with teeth" thing, but the Gray Rock Worm doesn't exactly have a face besides that.
"Hyper-realistic teeth". That part just killed the mood for me. I read a lot of creepypasta that used that kind of definition, and it really isn't good.
At least it wasn't "Hyper-Realistic Eyes".

I have to go take a shit. . .


in, HYPER-REALISM!
(This post was last modified: 09-02-2012 06:06 PM by failedALIAS.)
09-02-2012 06:05 PM
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Zaffre Away
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Post: #8
RE: Creepypasta

(09-02-2012 06:05 PM)failedALIAS Wrote:  
(09-02-2012 08:56 AM)Nemet Robert Wrote:  
(09-02-2012 12:02 AM)Zaffre Wrote:  
(09-01-2012 07:29 AM)Nemet Robert Wrote:  This kind of thing gives me the shivers.

Well-written in my opinion.

And I think (at the end) I can foreshadow what may happen.
Yep. Maybe I shouldn't have gone with the whole "giant mouth with teeth" thing, but the Gray Rock Worm doesn't exactly have a face besides that.
"Hyper-realistic teeth". That part just killed the mood for me. I read a lot of creepypasta that used that kind of definition, and it really isn't good.
At least it wasn't "Hyper-Realistic Eyes".

I have to go take a shit. . .


in, HYPER-REALISM!
[Image: uZXam.jpg]

(09-02-2012 08:56 AM)Nemet Robert Wrote:  
(09-02-2012 12:02 AM)Zaffre Wrote:  
(09-01-2012 07:29 AM)Nemet Robert Wrote:  This kind of thing gives me the shivers.

Well-written in my opinion.

And I think (at the end) I can foreshadow what may happen.
Yep. Maybe I shouldn't have gone with the whole "giant mouth with teeth" thing, but the Gray Rock Worm doesn't exactly have a face besides that.
"Hyper-realistic teeth". That part just killed the mood for me. I read a lot of creepypasta that used that kind of definition, and it really isn't good.
I really couldn't think of anything else at the time, but I've revised it and hopefully made it better.

As of September 2nd, 2014, I've left the Frictional forums. Check my profile for more details.
(This post was last modified: 09-02-2012 07:08 PM by Zaffre.)
09-02-2012 07:05 PM
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failedALIAS Offline
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Post: #9
RE: Creepypasta

(09-02-2012 07:05 PM)Zaffre Wrote:  
(09-02-2012 06:05 PM)failedALIAS Wrote:  
(09-02-2012 08:56 AM)Nemet Robert Wrote:  
At least it wasn't "Hyper-Realistic Eyes".

I have to go take a shit. . .


in, HYPER-REALISM!
[Image: uZXam.jpg]
[Image: well-shit.jpg]
09-02-2012 09:16 PM
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Piacesi Offline
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Post: #10
RE: Creepypasta

I dont understand. The Penumbra overture are two monsters in all the game (dogs and the giant worm) and the spiders. In my opinion, the penumbra need more monsters. the puzzles and history of the game is good, nice, but all the fear of the game is dogs and scary sounds. The frictional games need get a new patch and fix / or creat, news monster to the game.

i read the creppypasta. And now i remenber my first time i play the game and show my opinion to my friend...
(This post was last modified: 10-23-2012 11:28 AM by Piacesi.)
10-23-2012 11:17 AM
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