My dog is on my lap and I can't get him off

**Josh The Biker** · 04-01-2013, 10:28 PM

I want to get him off my lap without hurting him. How would I do this?

**Tiger** · 04-01-2013, 10:29 PM

Take a pillow and press it against his head. He'll suffocate soon without any pain. Then you can easily kick him off.

**Wooderson** · 04-01-2013, 10:34 PM

Morphine.

**Tiger** · 04-01-2013, 10:41 PM

(04-01-2013, 10:34 PM)Wooderson Wrote: Morphine.

Also a good choice.

**FlawlessHappiness** · 04-01-2013, 10:53 PM

(04-01-2013, 10:29 PM)Tigerwub Wrote: Take a pillow and

smash

(04-01-2013, 10:29 PM)Tigerwub Wrote: it against his head.

Don't worry. A pillow is soft, everybody knows that.

**Ghieri** · 04-01-2013, 11:06 PM

I know this sounds crazy, but have you tried...

Spoiler below!

**failedALIAS** · 04-01-2013, 11:07 PM

[b]Aldighieri, you heathen!
[/b]

**Nice** · 04-01-2013, 11:15 PM

brush your teeth with a lemon for 1 hour, bite your tongue and sacrifice a kitten. That should do it

**failedALIAS** · 04-01-2013, 11:16 PM

Why the fuck is anyone asking us for advice?

**Tiger** · 04-01-2013, 11:17 PM

(04-01-2013, 11:15 PM)Dogfood Wrote: brush your teeth with a lemon for 1 hour, bite your tongue and sacrifice a kitten. into a fresh tube of toothpaste. That should do it

(04-01-2013, 11:16 PM)failedALIAS Wrote: Why the fuck is anyone asking us for advice?

Because we're AdviceAnimals. Literally.