Superman is flying around, horny, looking for boobies, then he sees the wonder woman laying on her roof, naked, hot and moaning!
'Wow, this is my chance' he says 'with my super speed I can go fast, do her in a second, and fly away as fast as I can! She'll never know what happened'
Then he goes, BAM!, in 1 second, and flies away.
'Woo what was thaat!?' she says, and the invisible man that was over her says 'Ooh I don't know girl, but my ASS hurts like shit!!"
Bar
Spoiler below!
A drunk guy walks into a bar, takes a drink, turns around and says "Everybody in this bar is a god damn mother fuc**!!"
A black guy stands up and says angry "me too?", "yes!" then punches the drunk guy.
The next day the guy returns, walks into the bar, takes a drink and says "Everybody in this damn bar is a mother fu**er!" Then points to the black guy and says "Except this guy here."
The black guy stands up, and punches the guy anyways... "Nobody discriminates me."
I don't think the last one was offensive at all, I can remove it if you want.
Guy goes to a fancy party, but the guard at the door stops him and says, 'Hey, this is black tie only.'
So the guy looks around, grabs a black power cord, ties it around his neck,and goes back.
The guard says:
A guy took his blonde girl friend to her first football (soccer to EU people I assume) game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench... After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!" Hel-LLLO! It's only 25 cents!