Why i think call of duty is shit.

[the dark side]

then, to avoid being called a crazy, i will give my reasons.
I have played call of duty, only a couple , via rentals or presents, and have not been impressed with any of them as games, i think they would make Awesome Movies, but as games, i dont think they are very good.
now bear in mind all these reasons are 100% subjective and personal for me, and dont worry, graphics do not come into it, i dont care if a game runs on cryengine 3 or build, if the gameplay is what i like from a game, im all over it, if it isnt, i will hate. as i find graphics to be irrelevant, as long as you can see what you are doing and they dont hamper the gameplay with technical issues, then they are good enough for me

1. the storyline,. perhaps its me, but i find COD storylines to be massivley offensive, they are terribly underwritten with lifeless cliche filled scripts filled with needless f bombs and cardboard cut out charachters, they are also hopelessly out of date by having russian communists as the main villains, that sort of thing should have gone out with the 1980s, they are litereally just an excuse for virtual genocide. they are also 100% pro american, with the exception of cod 4, they seem to cram the "stars and stripes" down your throat, by posing the american army as the only people brave, strong and handsome enough to save the world, i presume the rest of us are too busy stumbling around like the warmington on sea home guard after too much of Mrs Fox's elderberry wine... i find that offensive. but then, im not really that keen on americans, so im probably biased.

2. mindless and repetitive gameplay, you walk, you Aim down sites, you shoot loads of people. you walk to the next area, you quick time event, you walk, you kill loads more people, ad nauseum. No Stealth, no Puzzles, no item finding, no map exploration, in my personal opinion, even the earliest examples of the FPS genre such as wolfenstein 3d offer more varied and intelligent gameplay than call of duty ever has.

3. it is Very patronizing, come on, this is obvious, it shows you were to go with waypoints, despite the level being a corridor between invisible walls, they show you how to do objectives with flashing icons, they even tell you what buttons to press! come on, i've got learning difficuilites and im feeling totally patronised!

4. it is impossioble to die. thanks to regen health and "rasperry jam o vision" it is literally impossible to die in a COD game, or clone therof (its also impossible to shoot) just take cover when the jam splatters the screen, there isnt a challenge, you might as well just watch a film.

5. they make me Bored. you walk, you shoot, you take cover, you Qte. thats it, you dont actually need to shoot because the Ai bots will just kill the badguys, they are completly lacking in gameplay in my opinion, but then, as i was raised on Duke Nikem 3d, and other titles, were everything was manual, my idea of gameplay is probably very different to that of a younger person, i dont doubt for a minuite that had i been born in the COD era instead of the Doom era, i wouldnt rank gameplay so highly.

6. Quick Time Events, i hate this in any game, as it, in my opinion takes away gameplay from the player, in short, you have paid 60 pounds for an interactive movie. i mean, they are very boring, you dont do anything, just hammer "U" "S" "A" into the keyboard to not die... zzzzzz. look, if i want to watch mr american muscle man sliding a bike under a truck, ill get a Stallone or Swartzenegger DVD out (and being 80s, they have a better soundtrack than COD to boot), when i play a game, i want to slide the bike in myself, by holding down action and tilting the mouse over hard, if my charachter gets his head ripped off by the driveshaft, i want it to be because i didnt tilt the mouse over hard enough, not because the game decided i didnt enter "U-S-A" with enough college football player fervour.

7. ADS doesnt agree with my autism,. now, this one only affects a few people, myself and a couple of other aspeis i know (i also know some who dont have an issue) the sudden loss of visual range in ads causes my brain to panic! unfortunatly, due to the dynamic scaling crosshairs, you have to use ads, or you wont hit the broad side of a barn! what really angers me is you cant turn the dynamic scaling off! wich i find disgusting because a lot of the erarlier FPS games to have them, even activisions own SOF-II, let you turn them off, that way you only need ADS for sniping, and as sniping is slower paced, i dont go into panic. allowing the player to turn of the dynamic scaling would make COD quite a bit more playable for me, as it is, it gets kind of unplayable. but that one is 100% personal, so probably isnt really all that relevant.

8. Short. 2 hours, 2 little hours and gangzta rap plays as the stars n stripes waves behind the credits.. W..T...F.. ive got older shooters were one Single Level takes more than 2 hours!

9. (shudders) dubstep.. noo! my ears! the muffs! they do nothing! (use voice of Ranier Wulfcastle) its horrible its just all "wubwubwubwobbwobbwubbawubba craaaak" it gives me a headache, perhaps im Really showing my age as a child of the 80s here, but id much rather shoot baddies to "we fight for love" "weres the fire!?" or "never surrender" than "wubbwubbwobbawobbawwubbwubb".

10, Gltiches. run too fast. game freezes. empty the magazine instead of relaoding mid clip, game freezes, look at price's Awsome 'Tache for too long... game freezes. "hey! the games frozen! what? is this the developers day off or something!!" (Conkers bad Fur day)

I just find them very, very boring!

i know, all this is biased against SP, well, i cant comment on MP, again, this is an autism thing, its me personally, i cannot Cope with online multiplayer, this is very odd, i can play penumbra without raising even a sweat. but, put me into an online multiplayer match in any game, and i freak out! i just cant play it, so i cant comment on it,. perhaps its because i cant see who im playing against...

in COD's Defence however, i will admit, as boring as it is to play, its massive action setpeices make it breathtakingly exiting to watch, its why i think COD is in the wrong medium, as a game, i think it is really bad as it lacks gameplay, but as a Movie, i think COD would be awesome. get Connery as price, fassbender as Soap and statham as Gaz. and i would quite happilly que!