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Fan-made Amnesia Sequel
LuckyBlackCatXIII Offline
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Posts: 118
Threads: 3
Joined: Dec 2010
Reputation: 7
#5
RE: [Fictional Reading Sequel] The Ascent of the Dark series

Wow, these were a great read, I really enjoyed your take on the "revenge" ending!

Some critique I'd give is that in document 1 the switch from Helmutt's life to Daniels is kind of too meshed together. I think maybe you should at least indent the moment when it switches to Daniel's events so that the reader knows right away that we've moved on from the Grandpa. Second in document 3 I believe a simple sentence of explaining that half an hour had passed would be better than just putting "half an hour later" as it kind of breaks the somewhat serious mood you've set up in the story.

Other than that, as I said in the beginning, I had fun reading these. I hope to see more in the future, keep up the great work!
10-01-2011, 08:25 AM
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Messages In This Thread
Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Fomzo - 09-10-2011, 02:35 AM
RE: [Fictional Reading Sequel] The Ascent of the Dark series - by LuckyBlackCatXIII - 10-01-2011, 08:25 AM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Fomzo - 11-15-2011, 10:03 AM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Gasjockey - 11-15-2011, 08:05 PM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Fomzo - 11-15-2011, 08:22 PM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Fomzo - 12-12-2011, 11:13 PM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by BlueFury - 12-12-2011, 11:57 PM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Fomzo - 01-09-2012, 08:37 PM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Fomzo - 01-10-2012, 06:44 PM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Mr.Amnesia - 01-11-2012, 04:01 PM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Fomzo - 01-11-2012, 08:57 PM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Mr.Amnesia - 01-12-2012, 01:26 AM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Fomzo - 01-12-2012, 01:42 AM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Mr.Amnesia - 01-12-2012, 10:11 AM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Gasjockey - 01-12-2012, 10:41 AM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Mr.Amnesia - 01-13-2012, 12:36 AM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Mr.Amnesia - 01-24-2012, 03:45 PM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Mr.Amnesia - 03-05-2012, 07:28 AM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Fomzo - 03-05-2012, 03:48 PM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Gasjockey - 03-05-2012, 04:03 PM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Fomzo - 04-13-2012, 02:50 PM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Fomzo - 05-04-2012, 10:05 PM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Mr.Amnesia - 05-08-2012, 08:28 AM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Fomzo - 05-10-2012, 03:06 PM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Bridge - 05-11-2012, 07:31 PM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Fomzo - 05-11-2012, 09:07 PM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Bridge - 05-11-2012, 10:04 PM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Fomzo - 05-13-2012, 09:48 PM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by here4uallday - 05-19-2012, 01:13 PM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Fomzo - 05-19-2012, 10:05 PM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Bridge - 05-20-2012, 12:22 PM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Fomzo - 05-20-2012, 11:34 AM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Mr.Amnesia - 05-20-2012, 01:29 PM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Fomzo - 05-20-2012, 06:39 PM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Bridge - 05-21-2012, 12:23 AM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Fomzo - 05-28-2012, 02:09 PM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Fomzo - 05-29-2012, 06:55 PM
RE: Fan-made Amnesia Sequel - by Fomzo - 06-04-2012, 02:35 PM



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