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[Wooderson]

Found this on r/cringe.

Alpha as fuck!

Spoiler below!

So I'm at work. And I'm strolling through my department like I always am. Greeting customers, offering to help, showing them where that one thing they are looking for is. When I see her. Talking on the phone. Smiling that gorgeous smile. And I think to myself..."where have I seen her before? O.o"

I continue my rounds, when she walks up to me with her boyfriend and says "Hi, we're looking for (thing). Can you show us where we can find it?" "Certainly," I say. "Right this way."

After some small talk between the three of us, I hear the boyfriend say "(Insert nickname here), let's just get this one." When it clicks.

It all comes flooding back. It's the girl I had a crush on in 6th grade, back when I was a 4'9" tall, 160 pound, bumbling...idiot. And, when it does click...I freeze. In my mind, that is. "Keep it together, man. Just...be yourself. She's with her boyfriend, you'll be fine."

And I keep talking about the thing they're looking at. When, after about five minutes, I finally muster up the courage to say "I know this is a complete one in a million shot here, but did you by any chance go to (insert school name here) during middle school?"
"Yes I did," she quickly responds, "why?"
"Well, I believe we had a class together in 6th grade." I'll spare you the rest of the details, because... well, it's a damn long conversation. Long story short, it's her, she doesn't remember me, we laugh about how small a world it is, and I keep showing her and her boyfriend what they are looking for.

After about five or ten minutes, I'm done. I've shown them everything they were looking for, made a few recommendations, and everyone is happy. But I couldn't leave well enough alone. Scumbag brain kicked in, and did something I have never, I repeat NEVER done before.

I walk back up to them and say "One last thing: do you by any chance have a facebook?" "Yes, but I'm never on it." Still could have just walked away. But scumbag brain insisted. "Well," my tongue continued, independently chattering away as my eyes, ears, and brain watched in terror, "I'm a little hesitant about asking this since your boyfriend is right here, but can I have your number?"

Reddit, my brain reached for those words back. Boy, did he reach. But it was too late. I. Had. Fucked. Up. The look in her eyes was enough to kill. But that was nothing compared to the look in her boyfriend's eyes. I...I thought he was going to jump over the cart and tackle me. Hell, I wanted him to. But my brain, in a desperate bid to prevent him from doing so, directed me to look at him and say "I'm not hitting on your girlfriend or anything, I just wanted to catch up and whatnot." Good job, dude. All he heard was "hit on your girlfriend". I could feel my sphincter tighten from the awkwardness I was drowning in.

I finally said, "If you don't want to give it, that's cool. I totally understand." She fumbled for an excuse, finally settling with "yeah, I'm not big on giving out my number." We quickly parted ways soon after. But the fuck up was there. The atrocious mark of my fuckup stained the floor, the aisle...Hell, the entire store. I rushed out of there, and didn't make my rounds for another 2 hours. Reddit...Kill me. Just kill me now.

EDIT: Damn this guy doesn't know what paragraphs are..