[Updated thread] Need help

[Darkfire]

Sorry for double posting, but I think I need to aks you about the context of this story. Sometimes I don't really know what you mean (because I don't know the story). PM me your skype so I can get in touch more easily. I'll be online tomorrow around 15 (looking at this site's clock, in the upper right corner).
I already made some corrections, although most of them are quite small. Mostly adding "the" and "a", also changing some harder phrases that you apparently translated word to word.

I'm sending you the edited file, take a look if you like it. I'll continue to work on this tomorrow.

PS. I'd advise you to use AddMessage script instead mementos in some of these, because they show what character thinks at the moment, not a quest