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Castle Dorian [Full Version] [Download is now online!]
thomthom44 Offline
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#11
RE: Castle Dorian [Full Version] [Download is now online!]

Thanks for the feedback, I realy apriciate it. But before I start I just want to make some things clear. This CS was firstly created to scare my friends, After I realised it became bigger then i tought I posted it almost a year back in its demo stage. Stopped creating it furthur becouse I tought it would not turn out so well. But after a few weeks I noticed more then 20 videos where created about the CS. That made me continue a bit further and stopped yet again and took almost 7 month's until I contuniued, Dont know why actualy. And all of a sudden I started using the editor again and for about 1 month i realy took all my efford to finish this CS. It was purely for fun and becouse I like to see people play it. I Must admit that I did not even like working on it anymore, It's you guys who made me continue. Im just 19 years old. So yeah. Scool,Work Ect. And this is actualy my first real project that i finished.

I never intended it to be super, Just fun to play. The main reason about it lacking puzzles and a better story is just becouse I did not want to work on it anymore so I released it earlier without some of the maps/events. It's not easy scripting, Mapping, Story writing all by my self. But I like doing things on my own. Maby in a few day's I will look at the CS Again and write down all my ideas and with your feedback to see what I can do. I'm not a mastermind you know haha.


Thank you for your time to look deeper in my CS, Not many people will give me so much (And correct) feedback.
11-21-2012, 01:58 AM
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Alex Ros Offline
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#12
RE: Castle Dorian [Full Version] [Download is now online!]

By the way it's not hard to inject an intrigue into your story. You already have all the elements. It's easy to criticize, but I guess some practical help would be a lot nicer...
Spoiler below!
1. Don't tell anything at all about the plague and monsters at the beginning. Just a letter from a mother, preferably very blurry. No intro of course, sorry, have to cut that. At home give some info on relationships between William and his mother. Preferably details that we will later meet at the castle - for example "oh home sweet home,how I was afraid of these knights in a hall! And I do remember that I took one helmet and hid it in library. Until then one knight was standing headless". And later player will see that knight without a helmet. It's just an example. You can do anything... well... ok... As a result when a player gets to the bridge and meets the first dead body it would work like: "What the fuck?!? What happened here? Monsters?"
2. Next you have to cheat a player. He's sure there will be monsters. That's Amnesia! Isn't it? And we enter that village house after the bridge. And here you tells the player that it's plague. Nothing mysterious, no monsters, no curses, just a plague. And that's were you should give info that because of plague lots of people decided to go to hide at the castle. Not earlier.
3. Until we get to the town - you have to build up a cheating story that everybody died because of plague. Dead rotting bodies and nothing more. No blood stains. Nothing. The more player will be thinking about the simple plague the more unexpected will be a mystic turning point.
4. Town. Blood. The first time we see blood. Fucking bloody slaughter and massacre. Everywhere we see parts of dead bodies. Burnt bodies. Broken windows, boxes... whatever. You have to cheat a player once again, that there were something like a little war-riot. No monsters. Just people got mad. And as long as there's a village and a castle it could be wise to show up a difference between nobles and villagers. It's not hard. Just make some dead knights, lying around shields, swords, etc - and you have to clearly show up the difference in weaponry between nobles and villagers.
5. Finally castle. Next move to cheat a player. No blood, no bodies, nothing is broken. The lights are lit, everything's seems to be extremely cool and quiet. No holes in the ceiling... but... where's everybody? You hear some steps upstairs, somewhere the door closes... little scares... hey, hello! I am here! Mom!?!
6. Everything's fine until the west wing. That's where you can show up destruction and abandonment. No lights, water on the floor dropping from a whole in a ceiling, debris, etc. And that's where you can show up mystic part of a story for the 1st time. But no monsters yet. Something like falling objects, winds, etc... bloody footprints showing up in front of players eyes (just for example).
7. If I am not wrong next we return to the main part of a castle - change it visually drastically. Just like it is right now. But preferably a LOT MORE dark and destructed than right now. And it's up to you to let player miss all the differences and let him go shortly downstairs - or move the door to the basement to another place, so player would have to walk through the main part of a castle once again in a dark version of it.
8. Basement... the same as it's right now. Preferably the "labyrinth" should be twice larger in order to make the meeting with a monster a lot longer. Preferably but not necessary.

That's all. Of course that's a basics of how to inject practically an intrigue into your story. I just wanted to help a bit, simply because I can, it took me just half-an-hour to write-down all that, it's nearly an improvisation. And now it's up to you what to do. Good luck!
11-21-2012, 02:45 AM
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Rapture Offline
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#13
RE: Castle Dorian [Full Version] [Download is now online!]

I really liked it until the point I entered the castle.

(1) Mapping was great for the first levels, up until the point of entering the castle. I don't know what happened, but it felt really rushed and felt like it was made from a different person altogether.

(2) The little courtyard was a cool area, but it's not very grunt friendly. Screwing around, I tried to box him in a little corner, but got found. So I jumped onto a box and onto his head, we both had fun. I even got him to destroy one of the locked doors for me. So kind, so kind.

I jumped over the railing, and the grunt couldn't get me because of the raised ground I was on at the bottom.
Then he randomly dissapeared (Enemy distance I suppose). You should have some extra scripting to look out for that stuff, because it happened again on the 2nd or 3rd to last level (Holy crap was that level laggy). It was a fairly large place, and a Brute was wandering around. I also found a random Calamine, I think that was a mistake.

(3) Your lighting killed the mood for me also. Sad

Their was a fair amount of clipping also, and places uncovered. Some railing and door ways.

(4) Doors. For the Arched Castle doors, you need to position them correctly so they don't close every time you try to open them. Look at the original Amensia maps for help, it's a bit tricky.

(5) Well my last point, and the saddest. I didn't have any fun. I can point some areas IMO, to why it wasn't fun for me.
(5a) You should of asked someone to help you with the story / writing. Your english isn't that good, and a lot of it didn't make any sense to me. And it felt to cliche or stupid Hollywood horror film writing.
(5b) The levels were to short and fast I think, and I hardly felt scared at all, and the times that I did feel scared just vanished almost as fast as it came.
(5c) Their wasn't anything new really, some keys and items used many times before. Their wasn't any excitement in exploring, or figuring out something new.
-------------------
It was a great attempt, outdoor levels were great. Everything else was really bland. For your next project, create some creative puzzles please! Smile
11-21-2012, 08:02 PM
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thomthom44 Offline
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#14
RE: Castle Dorian [Full Version] [Download is now online!]

Quote:(1) Mapping was great for the first levels, up until the point of entering the castle. I don't know what happened, but it felt really rushed and felt like it was made from a different person altogether.
I Understand the differences. The Inside was made first, Then almost 7 months later I created the outdoor. But in editing time the indoor maps where way longer to make and really took my time. Doing something outdoor was also new for me and it was allot harder to make.

Quote:(2) The little courtyard was a cool area, but it's not very grunt friendly
(4) Doors. For the Arched Castle doors, you need to position them correctly so they don't close every time you try to open them.
Il try work on that in the next update. Also the doors. I should look into them a bit more.

Quote:(3) Your lighting killed the mood for me also.
Could you tell me more about that?

Quote:For your next project, create some creative puzzles please!
I will defiantly work on a better CS, This one is just a combing of 2 diffident styles of work. Noob to good is pretty strange for some players and its noticeable. So yeah, The next one will be good. Not saying this one is "Really bad" I enjoyed the play-through's from other people. Makes me happy enough to continue creating mods.



Castle Dorian v1.1 Update
2 daye's ago I added a new download for the custom story. It was a little buggy from the start on so I gathered up some information on frictional games, Moddb and the review section. And Fixed them shortly after. It took me a couple of minutes. It where really bugs that I would not have noticed. I hope you will enjoy my Custom Story and a next update is comming soon.

What is fixed in v1.1?
  • Removed 50% Of the oil in the game.
  • Removed the lantern + Oil in the "Castle_Entrance" map.
  • Eddited the note in the abandoned house that tells that there is a key under it while its not.
  • Able to go back inside the mansion when left back to the main hall incase you missed somting.
  • Removed the extra Mansion key in the main hall.
  • Added Coliders to protect you from the evil tree's!
  • Removed all map cache's for a more compact file, (And brings decals back to life)
Castle dorian v1.2
The last update is on its way, It will include some map changes and some minor bugs like the shuttering textures, path nodes. after the update I will be working on another Custom story with more puzzles and a lot more fun! If you have requests or have some good ideas I would really appreciat it if you share them in the comment section.
(This post was last modified: 11-23-2012, 05:53 PM by thomthom44.)
11-23-2012, 05:47 PM
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thomthom44 Offline
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#15
RE: Castle Dorian [Full Version] [Download is now online!]

A small survey is now online
It are 10 questions about what you would like to see in the new Custom story! Its just to see what you want from my next project and i will really keep my promise that I will work hard on this one. Castle Dorian was just poorly made after those's 7 month's. I will be updating it weekly until its clear of bugs, but for now. I would appreciate it if you could fill out this small survey and make your wishes! I know its kinda silly, Just to see if anyone is interested.


Click here for the Servey!
11-24-2012, 12:25 AM
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Alex Ros Offline
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#16
RE: Castle Dorian [Full Version] [Download is now online!]

Kinda unusual idea to ask people what do they want...
It's up to you, of course, ThomThom44, what to do. But I would not recommend to listen to people right at the beginning of the project. You have to love a story or environment or some ideas by yourself. It would sound very pathetic, but it should go from YOUR heart, not someone else. You just can't do something real emotional, impressive, if it doesn't goes directly from YOUR own mind, fantasy, imagination... well, at least, I believe so...
Anyway, once again, it's up to you what to do. To ignore is always an option...

P.S. Sorry if I got it all wrong. I mean the situation itself.
(This post was last modified: 11-24-2012, 12:39 AM by Alex Ros.)
11-24-2012, 12:38 AM
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failedALIAS Offline
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#17
RE: Castle Dorian [Full Version] [Download is now online!]

I agree with Alex; A truly horrifying experience should come from the darkest recesses of the maker's own mind. Take Lovecraft for example - The man brilliantly redefined horror with all of it coming from a very personal place.
11-24-2012, 12:48 AM
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thomthom44 Offline
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#18
RE: Castle Dorian [Full Version] [Download is now online!]

(11-24-2012, 12:38 AM)Alex Ros Wrote: Kinda unusual idea to ask people what do they want...
It's up to you, of course, ThomThom44, what to do. But I would not recommend to listen to people right at the beginning of the project. You have to love a story or environment or some ideas by yourself. It would sound very pathetic, but it should go from YOUR heart, not someone else. You just can't do something real emotional, impressive, if it doesn't goes directly from YOUR own mind, fantasy, imagination... well, at least, I believe so...
Anyway, once again, it's up to you what to do. To ignore is always an option...

P.S. Sorry if I got it all wrong. I mean the situation itself.
I understand, Its just that im not a profecional. Absolutly not. I see myself more like an Level disigner. I like doing it. Becouse this is how i work: Create a map, then see what story fits in it. Creating story's and scripting is just not my thing. And my english is terible too hah. I could ofcourse ask for help but with the few hours I have each day would make the others mad. The servey is just a small step for me to continue on somting based on what others like. Not realy nececary ofcourse. The story is alwayes the hard part and will never create a good one.

Thomas Castelein
11-24-2012, 12:48 AM
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Alex Ros Offline
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#19
RE: Castle Dorian [Full Version] [Download is now online!]

You can simply make a game based on a real short story. That's a lot more reliable way to find a real great story-basement. Just read a bunch of Stephen King short stories, for example Most of them are very friendly and easy for reading...

For example, the one that really stuck in my memory...
Mother asks her little boy-son to go to the forest to the river and and catch some fish for a dinner. The boy goes to the forest, everything's cool, he have been here at the forest for thousands time. Lots of familiar details as boy walks through the forest. Than he finally comes to the river, wastes some time to catch the fish. That's the time when you, reader, thinks that something is going to happen and... and it doesn't. The boy is just going back home. And only on his way back home the boy meets a Tall Man. Just out of nowhere. And that stranger tells a boy that he is VERY VERY VERY hungry. And while that stranger is pronouncing words, the boy feels a light smell of sulfur from the mouth of a stranger. He understands that it's not just a stranger. It's a Devil himself. And he is VERY VERY VERY hungry. And it's not the fish the Tall Man wants, no it's not a fish, the Devil wants to eat a little boy. And the boy runs. Just runs as hell... and... and that's it. He ran back home. The end of story.
The simplest story how a little boy met Devil in a forest. But it was SO horrible, you can't believe. The trick is that the part until we meet a Tall Man is a LOT LOT LOT longer than the horrible part. And while the boy is simply doing his doings in the forest, you're becoming more and more and mo... hrrr... relaxed. And than at the most unexpected moment BANG! The Tall Man. And it was so realistic and usual and so immersive so you just believe in everything. You feel like you're by yourself is standing all alone in the forest and here is a f**king Tall Man wants to eat you?!? What the f**k to do?????? And you run... run with your character... and than you can't sleep ))))))

That's just an example. Simple and great...
By the way I'd say simplicity is the hardest thing to catch. Really. Paradox. So there is no real need for a complicated story, it can be real simple, basic.

Well... hmmm... also if you'd love to, you can try Howard Lovecraft and Edgar Poe stories. They're a bit more boring for reading (if you are not used to reading such a prose), but quite thrilling. And the time when all is happening is just like in Amnesia, Victorian times... well, quite a bit later, but nevermind... haunted mansions, villages, ghosts, alchemy, castles, etc... these times ))))))
11-24-2012, 02:39 AM
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#20
RE: Castle Dorian [Full Version] [Download is now online!]

Spoiler below!
I had the most epic grunt chase, so sad I wasn't recording. It was 3 AM, I had no lights around me and I was crawling around looking for that hammer.. The grunt came towards me while I was behind a barrel, but it was going to walk around the barrel, so I had no other choice.. I threw the barrel in his face, ran into him because I had to get past him>.< I ran up the stairs, convinced there would be doors. I ran to the right, and saw nothing but barrels, with the grunt right behind me. I jumped on top of a barrel, turned around, and jumped right over the grunt (the side of his non-attacking arm). I saw the door was barricaded, so I ran the other way, but it was another dead end. The same thing happened, I jumped over the grunt as he was trying to smash me, I ran down the stairs again and into the ally there. Another dead end Angry But the grunt somehow fell behind. I could still hear the chasing sound though, so I quickly grabbed a box and put it on top of another and sat down behind it. Then the grunt lost me and walked off and disappeared. So epic, my heart was beating so fast and I had such a hard time not screaming, because of my family sleeping upstairs ;_; Epic custom story so far!

Funderbunk Wrote:Playing Amnesia through to the end has increased the size of my genitalia exponentially and made me into a real man.
11-25-2012, 05:31 PM
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