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Below The Surface - Custom Story
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j00le Offline
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Post: #1
Below The Surface - Custom Story

This is my first real custom story, please try it and rate + comment Wink
More information in the comment below

http://speedy.sh/SR54U/below-the-surface.rar

[Image: custom_story02.png]
[Image: custom_story05.png]
[Image: custom_story06.png]
(This post was last modified: 06-22-2014 10:42 PM by j00le.)
06-22-2014 05:42 PM
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DnALANGE Offline
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Posts: 1,550
Joined: Jan 2012
Post: #2
RE: Below The Surface - Custom Story

I might try this soon.
just 1 thingy... a little info about the story.. storyline?
06-22-2014 09:03 PM
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j00le Offline
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Posts: 13
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Post: #3
RE: Below The Surface - Custom Story

(06-22-2014 09:03 PM)DnALANGE Wrote:  I might try this soon.
just 1 thingy... a little info about the story.. storyline?

Well, it's about a guy who gets trapped in a house that looks normal for a while, but actually he has to figure out some puzzles and pass obstacles in order to get out. The further the story goes, the sicker everything gets. There are many alternate endings Wink

My goal was to make a story with right amount of action and various puzzles. It should be pretty scary but I didn't put too many jump scares in there Tongue
06-22-2014 10:41 PM
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AGP Offline
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Posts: 440
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Post: #4
RE: Below The Surface - Custom Story

I'll give it a play-through. Is this a final version or are you just looking for critiques to make it better, what's the plan?

EDIT: Started playing through your story, but I'm stuck in the library, assuming I need to be looking for a key but not finding one.

(This post was last modified: 06-23-2014 01:18 AM by AGP.)
06-23-2014 12:42 AM
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j00le Offline
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Posts: 13
Joined: Dec 2013
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Post: #5
RE: Below The Surface - Custom Story

(06-23-2014 12:42 AM)AGP Wrote:  I'll give it a play-through. Is this a final version or are you just looking for critiques to make it better, what's the plan?

EDIT: Started playing through your story, but I'm stuck in the library, assuming I need to be looking for a key but not finding one.

This is the final version, but of course I want criticism Smile . Well, there's no key in a library, just a secret door
(This post was last modified: 06-23-2014 09:33 AM by j00le.)
06-23-2014 08:51 AM
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DnALANGE Offline
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Posts: 1,550
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Post: #6
RE: Below The Surface - Custom Story

Error:
Couldnt load kartta.map or something..
---
Overall
3\10 for me.
Spoiler below!

Cons:
1: VERY poor and bad mapping
2: Extreme lazy enemy attacks
3: Absolutely no story
4: Notes and puzzles are just not making any sense at all
5: glitcheridoo here and there \ paintings off the wall.. etc etc..
6: There is a hole with a ladder.. a normal person could jump it, why a ladder?? It's 1.5 meter +- ...
7: Very strange level transitions.. Mansion \ attic \ dungeon???
--
Pro's
1: You know how the editor works
2: some scripting ideas.
3: ...
---
Overall very bad, looked really rushed!
Sorry 3\10 for me.
(This post was last modified: 06-23-2014 12:49 PM by DnALANGE.)
06-23-2014 12:48 PM
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j00le Offline
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Posts: 13
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Post: #7
RE: Below The Surface - Custom Story

(06-23-2014 12:48 PM)DnALANGE Wrote:  Error:
Couldnt load kartta.map or something..
---
Overall
3\10 for me.

Thank you very much for your comment, much better than just saying it was shit Tongue

But I wonder, which map didnt work?
06-23-2014 02:23 PM
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AGP Offline
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Posts: 440
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Post: #8
RE: Below The Surface - Custom Story

Well, I also got the error (kartta3.map). It seems that it was trying to read from a different file location than what was there, as I noticed it said redist folder, while my Amnesia copy is from Steam and is not located in such a folder. Whether that is the answer or not, I've no idea, but I will review what I have thus far played.

Spoiler below!


- There were quite a few texture and model issues, walls poking out from other walls, models squished so tight they overlapped into each other (in the case of one table being slightly inside of a wall and a few pictures that were either too far in or too far out).

- There were some spelling errors, nothing horrible. This is just a nitpick.

- In the house, the masionbase wood walls became too repetitive. Even though there are only the two mansionbase walls to choose from, you can easily break up the monotony by mixing it up between the two or even using planes to create brand new walls! Big Grin

- The first monster appearance wasn't that great. He kind of just appears right in front of you, which makes the message "Try to sneak away" a little mean. It's hard to sneak away when he catches you immediately after spawning. In addition, the monsters are overused far too much. It got to the point where I really wasn't scared anymore because I knew five seconds later, another would show up.

- The opening was completely lacking any ambience. There was nothing there to suck me in. This is the part where you really need to make some sort of impact. While there's no requirement in anything that demands you have a super dramatic or intense introduction, something that is enticing helps to hook in your audience. Just dropping off the player without anything, while not hurting you, it's certainly not helping.

- There was one mysteriously lit area in the first map, by the stairs. Where was this light coming from?

- The office door (and I think several other doors) were missing the unlock door sound. Also many of the doors were missing text. I don't know if this was on purpose, but those door texts ("Office Door", etc.) can be quite helpful to the player. This also goes for items. Labeling a key as "looks important" isn't very helpful. Try something more like "This key might go old, rusty door".

- The mementos weren't helpful in the slightest, only announcing what was obvious ("find way across", "unlock the door"). Mementos are to help players keep track of what to do when they get stuck or to make something more clear ("I need to find the key that unlocks this door. Maybe it's matches the door somehow?").

- The transitions didn't feel very fluid. Most of the time, I felt confused as to where I was going or what I needed to do. Sadly, I didn't pick up much on whatever story was there. All I could gather was there was torture going on, which is pretty typical of Amnesia stories (trust me, I'm guilty of this as well). I would recommend making whatever story is there a little more prominent, otherwise, you get a "funhouse" effect: wandering from room to room experiencing assorted and unrelated scares.

- In order to get past the library, I had to open up the map in the level editor. This is probably just due to me not paying close enough attention, but regardless, this was another part where some sort of hint would have been great, because initially I was looking for a key to that back door until you mentioned a secret door. Maybe putting in a slight gap between two of those bookcase to let the player peer in and notice would be a nice touch, but that's just a suggestion.

- On good points, I enjoyed some of the ways you set up the maps. They were interesting and different and some of the non-monster scares were intriguing.



My final thoughts are that, while this isn't terribly impressive, there's definite potential! And for a first attempt, it's not too bad. Believe me, my first version of "Helena" was quite awful.

Hopefully, you get that map error solved.

(This post was last modified: 06-24-2014 02:24 AM by AGP.)
06-24-2014 02:01 AM
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j00le Offline
Junior Member

Posts: 13
Joined: Dec 2013
Reputation: 0
Post: #9
RE: Below The Surface - Custom Story

(06-24-2014 02:01 AM)AGP Wrote:  Well, I also got the error (kartta3.map). It seems that it was trying to read from a different file location than what was there, as I noticed it said redist folder, while my Amnesia copy is from Steam and is not located in such a folder. Whether that is the answer or not, I've no idea, but I will review what I have thus far played.

Spoiler below!


- There were quite a few texture and model issues, walls poking out from other walls, models squished so tight they overlapped into each other (in the case of one table being slightly inside of a wall and a few pictures that were either too far in or too far out).

- There were some spelling errors, nothing horrible. This is just a nitpick.

- In the house, the masionbase wood walls became too repetitive. Even though there are only the two mansionbase walls to choose from, you can easily break up the monotony by mixing it up between the two or even using planes to create brand new walls! Big Grin

- The first monster appearance wasn't that great. He kind of just appears right in front of you, which makes the message "Try to sneak away" a little mean. It's hard to sneak away when he catches you immediately after spawning. In addition, the monsters are overused far too much. It got to the point where I really wasn't scared anymore because I knew five seconds later, another would show up.

- The opening was completely lacking any ambience. There was nothing there to suck me in. This is the part where you really need to make some sort of impact. While there's no requirement in anything that demands you have a super dramatic or intense introduction, something that is enticing helps to hook in your audience. Just dropping off the player without anything, while not hurting you, it's certainly not helping.

- There was one mysteriously lit area in the first map, by the stairs. Where was this light coming from?

- The office door (and I think several other doors) were missing the unlock door sound. Also many of the doors were missing text. I don't know if this was on purpose, but those door texts ("Office Door", etc.) can be quite helpful to the player. This also goes for items. Labeling a key as "looks important" isn't very helpful. Try something more like "This key might go old, rusty door".

- The mementos weren't helpful in the slightest, only announcing what was obvious ("find way across", "unlock the door"). Mementos are to help players keep track of what to do when they get stuck or to make something more clear ("I need to find the key that unlocks this door. Maybe it's matches the door somehow?").

- The transitions didn't feel very fluid. Most of the time, I felt confused as to where I was going or what I needed to do. Sadly, I didn't pick up much on whatever story was there. All I could gather was there was torture going on, which is pretty typical of Amnesia stories (trust me, I'm guilty of this as well). I would recommend making whatever story is there a little more prominent, otherwise, you get a "funhouse" effect: wandering from room to room experiencing assorted and unrelated scares.

- In order to get past the library, I had to open up the map in the level editor. This is probably just due to me not paying close enough attention, but regardless, this was another part where some sort of hint would have been great, because initially I was looking for a key to that back door until you mentioned a secret door. Maybe putting in a slight gap between two of those bookcase to let the player peer in and notice would be a nice touch, but that's just a suggestion.

- On good points, I enjoyed some of the ways you set up the maps. They were interesting and different and some of the non-monster scares were intriguing.



My final thoughts are that, while this isn't terribly impressive, there's definite potential! And for a first attempt, it's not too bad. Believe me, my first version of "Helena" was quite awful.

Hopefully, you get that map error solved.

Thanks for great comment but to be honest I have no idea what causes that problem or how to fix it Huh
06-24-2014 05:40 PM
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AGP Offline
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Posts: 440
Joined: Dec 2012
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Post: #10
RE: Below The Surface - Custom Story

You can always ask in the technical area of the forum. There might be someone more knowledgeable who can help solve the issue. Smile

06-24-2014 06:02 PM
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