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Amnesia : The Revenge - Chapter 1 - Meeting
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narutohokager Offline
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Post: #1
Wink Amnesia : The Revenge - Chapter 1 - Meeting

[Image: 594993Head.jpg]

Welcome to my strip cl... To my custom story : Amnesia : The Revenge - Chapter 1 - Meeting !!
Maybe most of you have heard of this custom story, i put it on standby for several months, and now i work on it again !

[Image: 414625Story.jpg]

After the death of Daniel, Agrippa managed to go through the portal and Weyer had been taking care of Agrippa for several months now.
After Agrippa was fully recovered, he looked for a way to get Daniel back to the real world. He had a vision of the world where Daniel is located: the Olympe. This is an empty world, there is nothing but the vaccum.
Every day, he searched for a solution. Until he read a book about the Orb that Daniel used.
"The Orb can open a portal to other worlds..."

Agrippa returned to Alexander’s Castle. He didn’t see anyone along the way.
In the Orb Chamber, everything was destroyed. No "Shadows", no monsters, no dead body, only destroyed architecture. Under some debris, he found the Crimson Orb... When he touched it, it began to glow, it showed that it still had power in it... Agrippa grabbed it and returned to Weyer house.

And to this day, Agrippa is still looking for the remains of the Orb.

[Image: 191151Screenshots.jpg]



[Image: 202259Download.jpg]

THE DEMO WILL BE OUT SOON !!



Credits

Voices actor :
Aurora Guinivere Price (AGP)
Marnix Overvoorde (goodcap)

Translator
Marnix Overvoorde (goodcap)

Music :
Kevin Macleod - Arcadia
PDXVoiceTeacher - Red Space
NerveDamage - Ambient horror track
Gurski Pawel - Dark Silent

Sorry for my bad english
Amnesia The Revenge - Chapter 1
(This post was last modified: 10-20-2014 08:41 PM by narutohokager.)
10-05-2014 02:50 PM
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DnALANGE Offline
Banned

Posts: 1,550
Joined: Jan 2012
Post: #2
RE: Amnesia : The Revenge - Chapter 1 - Meeting

Good to see another story coming up..
Story sounds descent.. But the translation... Some grammar mistakes!...
And this made me laugh in stead of getting interested :
Quote:Agrippa go back to the castle where he met Daniel, through all the way, he didn't see anyone, just rat.
The maps do look really empty to me..
And if i may give a hint. Open up some Amnesia maps and just take their billboards for the windows..
Yours look not so good.
Waiting for any updated versiona nd ill bugtest it for you.
Good luck!
(This post was last modified: 10-05-2014 04:10 PM by DnALANGE.)
10-05-2014 04:09 PM
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Kreekakon Offline
Pick a god and pray!

Posts: 3,063
Joined: Mar 2012
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Post: #3
RE: Amnesia : The Revenge - Chapter 1 - Meeting

A word of advice: If you want your story to look more polished, I'd recommend you find someone to help you proofread the story for English mistakes. There's little more immersion breaking, and unfortunate than grammar mistakes that end up bogging down an otherwise good story!

[Image: Tv0YgQb.gif]
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10-05-2014 04:15 PM
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narutohokager Offline
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Post: #4
RE: Amnesia : The Revenge - Chapter 1 - Meeting

Quote:Some grammar mistakes!...
Yeah i probably should use Google Trad... Dodgy (I'm french !)

Quote:The maps do look really empty to me..
And if i may give a hint. Open up some Amnesia maps and just take their billboards for the windows..

Empty ?... It's not very empty !
I used the default billboards found in Amnesia ! Tongue

Thanks for your proposition DnALANGE !

I'm gonna make correction to the page !

Sorry for my bad english
Amnesia The Revenge - Chapter 1
10-05-2014 05:39 PM
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Red Offline
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Post: #5
RE: Amnesia : The Revenge - Chapter 1 - Meeting

lol, Google translate is not the best option. Seriously, I do not recommend it.
It might just possibly make everything even worse.
(This post was last modified: 10-05-2014 06:16 PM by Red.)
10-05-2014 06:08 PM
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AGP Offline
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Post: #6
RE: Amnesia : The Revenge - Chapter 1 - Meeting

While I don't know how much available time I have, I would be happy to help with translations. I've been studying French for several semesters in college and even though I may not be uber up to par with the language, it might be better than relying on Google Translate. Big Grin

10-05-2014 06:21 PM
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narutohokager Offline
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Posts: 149
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Post: #7
RE: Amnesia : The Revenge - Chapter 1 - Meeting

Corrected !

Sorry for my bad english
Amnesia The Revenge - Chapter 1
(This post was last modified: 10-08-2014 10:52 PM by narutohokager.)
10-05-2014 09:32 PM
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Xuka Offline
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Post: #8
RE: Amnesia : The Revenge - Chapter 1 - Meeting

Such interesting story,thanks so much for your sharing
10-09-2014 04:47 AM
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Red Offline
Posting Freak

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Post: #9
RE: Amnesia : The Revenge - Chapter 1 - Meeting

Sorry, you still need to improve that story of yours a little.
It is understandable, but some part of it still a little clumsy, would I say.
10-09-2014 07:11 AM
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Romulator Online
G'day mate! :3

Posts: 3,483
Joined: Jan 2013
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Post: #10
RE: Amnesia : The Revenge - Chapter 1 - Meeting

I don't mind offering to fix up your grammar errors in your story, but right at the moment, I can't exactly tell everything that is going on.

I may need to just reread it a few times, but I'll post under this line if I think I have it all set.


<Insert English translation here>

Discord: Romulator#4942
[Image: 8f5d099c7b.png]
10-09-2014 07:32 AM
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