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Joke Thread: How to make a modern days horror movie
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Danny Boy Offline
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Joke Thread: How to make a modern days horror movie

How to make your horror story fit the now days horror movie requirements!

step 1:


Put Random cheese rock music after some random girl being killed in her bedroom/bathroom/Elm street/boat/dreams/etc!


step 2:

the main characters must be teenagers or university students, so that they satisfy step 2!

step 2:

Sex scenes! lots and lots of sex scenes! poitless and mad sex scenes!


step 3:

make the killer/monster/ghost/weird burned guy whit a claw glove kill the teenagers/university students while they are haveing sex!

step 4:

make an drug and sex addicted character! then.... make him losse his penis! great example of this step: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srij1uyKVos



step 5:

Violence! Gore! make every single gut a man can have to be showed in a midles death scene! (since you probaly don't have eny thing better to show other then that in your movie)



step 6:

Make the story ununderstandable! "Why is a monster chasing the guy?" (1408 cough cough cough) WHO KNOW?!! AND WHO CARES?!!


step 7:

Don't make an horror movie scary! make it funny and happy!
http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/3...4imjmj.jpg


step 8:

forget step 1!!! put metalic music! thats is noise scary!..... right?


step 9:


don't make inteligent scares nor original ones! make jump scares that have been use 10000000000000000 times before!!! the less scary or original the better!


step 10 and last one:

sequels... lots and lots of sequels...

[Image: let-me-ask-amanda-jigsaw-billy-sequel-sa...750319.jpg]




also if thats not enough... pick up two different atagonist from two diffrent movies and join them in a vs movies!

[Image: images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRbifdoOYMGHLnzn86MVie...9ejvkKansa] [Image: alien-x-predador-1.jpg]




then make more sequels of those vs movies........



THE END


please comment Big Grin
(feed back... lovely lovely feedback!)
(This post was last modified: 12-11-2011 05:08 PM by Danny Boy.)
12-11-2011 02:39 AM
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Xanatos Offline
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RE: Joke Thread: How to make a modern days horror movie

Or just dig up a classic horror film and re-make it as badly as possible. And any original idea (Lake Placid 2, Sharktopus, etc) should be made as badly as possible so remakes actually seem like a good idea.

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12-11-2011 06:34 AM
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Kman Offline
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RE: Joke Thread: How to make a modern days horror movie










watch these two movies, they're from the last decade and they're incredibly good (and scary). especially session 9, that scared me almost as bad as amnesia did, I SERIOUSLY ALMOST FEAR QUIT. also, don't automatically assume that horror movies are always bad. and i know i'm gonna get a LOOOOT of shit for this but i honestly like horror movies better than horror games. in fact that's what i want to do when i grow up, write and direct movies. now i will agree 95% of horror movies that come out now a days are complete shit, but there are still a few gems out there.

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(This post was last modified: 12-11-2011 11:13 AM by Kman.)
12-11-2011 11:05 AM
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Danny Boy Offline
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RE: Joke Thread: How to make a modern days horror movie

"also, don't automatically assume that horror movies are always bad."


i don't... i have seen some that are really good! but the problem is that... or they are not that recent like your examples that were made about 10 years ago... or they are remakes like the 2011's "The Thing" though i did love that movie and the older one much more... i just can't find eny thing good these days :/ only bad remakes, excessive sequels or just simple ripoffs... though i must admit, "Insidious" even though its a ripoff of the movie "Poltergeist" it did scared me and intriged me at the first half of the movie! though after that i started to look like ghostbusters and the ending was very lame :/
12-11-2011 01:55 PM
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Unearthlybrutal Offline
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RE: Joke Thread: How to make a modern days horror movie

(12-11-2011 11:05 AM)kman Wrote:  








watch these two movies, they're from the last decade and they're incredibly good (and scary). especially session 9, that scared me almost as bad as amnesia did, I SERIOUSLY ALMOST FEAR QUIT. also, don't automatically assume that horror movies are always bad. and i know i'm gonna get a LOOOOT of shit for this but i honestly like horror movies better than horror games. in fact that's what i want to do when i grow up, write and direct movies. now i will agree 95% of horror movies that come out now a days are complete shit, but there are still a few gems out there.
I've seen "The Descent" too. Reminded me of a Penumbra series. Session 9 will be the next movie that I will watchTongue
Horror movies aren't so scary to me. I don't know why Undecided
I think that when you play horror game like Amnesia, you are part of the game, because of that you control the head character. There is feeling of stampede/panic/terror when you for example are chased by grunt, brute, water lurker, etc... and try to for example jump on the barrel and then you notice that the barrel is too high and you are still on the ground and the enemy in getting closer all the timeTongue

I like horror movies, but they are not so scary to me. And as I said before, I don't know why

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12-11-2011 02:01 PM
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Your Computer Offline
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RE: Joke Thread: How to make a modern days horror movie

I've been trying to find good horror movies, but most of the ones i've seen are either not scary or simply boring or had nothing to do with the horror genre. I guess the first Paranormal Activity and Ghost Hunt (the anime) have spoiled me in some way. Nevertheless, there are still some good movies out there, like Anna's Eve, The Haunting in Connecticut, The Eye 2, Ju-on, etc.

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12-11-2011 03:01 PM
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Unearthlybrutal Offline
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RE: Joke Thread: How to make a modern days horror movie

Movie from Finland named: "Sauna"... it's good at some points, but it's spoken in Finnish. I don't know if there is English subtitles version.

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12-11-2011 03:17 PM
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Wooderson Offline
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RE: Joke Thread: How to make a modern days horror movie

I rather enjoyed Paranormal Activity 3. Maybe because it was the first film of the series that I saw, because I though the 2nd was crap.

Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) was also pretty good I thought, wasn't too cheesy and the jumpscares were quite original. (Might have been good because I haven't seen the original though)

Signs. SIGNS!@!@@! ARRGHHH! I bloody love how much I hate this film. I saw it when I was like 8-9 years old and it scared the life out of me and continued to in my nightmares Tongue I don't even think it was mean't to be a horror either. But yes, it uses atmosphere and tension to build up a scene a lot like Amnesia does.

And to through in a 90's childhood classic.... The Faculty. Not a serious horror, but back in the day this was a great original teen horror with a great cast (Elijah J Woods and more)

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12-11-2011 03:21 PM
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Tommy Offline
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RE: Joke Thread: How to make a modern days horror movie

(12-11-2011 03:21 PM)Lucke Wrote:  I rather enjoyed Paranormal Activity 3. Maybe because it was the first film of the series that I saw, because I though the 2nd was crap.

Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) was also pretty good I thought, wasn't too cheesy and the jumpscares were quite original. (Might have been good because I haven't seen the original though)

Signs. SIGNS!@!@@! ARRGHHH! I bloody love how much I hate this film. I saw it when I was like 8-9 years old and it scared the life out of me and continued to in my nightmares Tongue I don't even think it was mean't to be a horror either. But yes, it uses atmosphere and tension to build up a scene a lot like Amnesia does.

And to through in a 90's childhood classic.... The Faculty. Not a serious horror, but back in the day this was a great original teen horror with a great cast (Elijah J Woods and more)
Just create the Paranormal activities and the rest of the graphics can be done by the animation on the graphics and the major is just to create the first cruelty pictures.

12-20-2011 03:01 PM
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